Out from Inside
by Sugahlei
Summary: There comes a day when people make a choice...and it affects their lives. Naruto has decided, leaving everything behind him...but things change, and not every choice is the best choice. (SasuNaru shonen ai)
1. prologue

~~**Disclaimer/Warnings~~**

This is one of my first Naruto fics.  And no, I don't own them, just like all of you other writers who don't own stuff.  This is a somewhat dark fic, although it's not as dark as some of my other stuff.  (links are found in my profile)  Yaoi!  Mwahaha.  Angst!  

I also don't want you to think I'm going to make anyone OOC or anything.  It's just I have a certain view on how Naruto would feel, or react, or what I think he would have thought long before everything went down.  This also takes place in a general time after the chunin exam, before Sasuke's taken to Orochimaru and after the two duke it out with the chidori/rasengan…

Make sense?

At least someone is clear on that…_

Just to be sure, this is YAOI.  Sasu/Naru, if you couldn't see the fic-description. You don't like it? Don't read it. ^__^;;    er…Rated…um, R, for later situations…XD  

(Oh!  Song lyrics are "_Every You Every Me" by Placebo!)_

**Out from Inside**

**(prologue)**

~Past~

_//Sucker love is heaven sent//_

_//you pucker up, our passion spent//_

_A shadow across his face makes him raise his eyes to the sky.  He looks up to see the outline of a hand against the sky and blinks in surprise.  It takes him a moment to realize that the hand is merely dangling over the edge of the flat roof of the school, and thinks  Who would be out there at this time? Nearing **sunset**? Most people are inside, now_…As he would have been, if not for Kakashi's constant barrage of 'training.'__

_Curious, somewhat annoyed, he stares upwards, sore and tired and decides unconsciously to vent his anger on what is most likely a child skipping out from his family.  A second later, he is skimming up along a nearby tree and lands soundlessly on the metal rooftop, crouching to keep his balance.  _

_It was a good thing he does so, he reflected later, because when he sees who the hand belongs to, he nearly slips right back down and to meet the earth face-on._

**Naruto_?_ Sasuke blinks rapidly.  It seems to be a sudden habit.  _What is he doing…just lying there?_**

_The boy hasn't noticed him, hasn't heard him touch lightly upon the metal.  Sasuke feels a frown form upon his face.  Naruto looks asleep, sprawled out upon his back, face turned slightly.  Still curious and more than mildly annoyed now, Sasuke eases his way over on light fingertips and toes, as loud as the passing breeze._

Was he training too_? comes the quiet thought.  He feels a stubborn flash of anger and a vicious sense of smugness—even if he had been training, he's apparently out cold from it.  Not like Sasuke—true, he's exhausted, but he wasn't sleeping on a roof because he was too tired to go home._

What an idiot_, he thinks, almost fondly._

_Sasuke scoots around to peer with a smirk into the face that's turned away—and a shivery cold feeling strikes him in the stomach when he manages to get a clear look at the face for the first time.  Almost against his will, he exhales a low puff of surprise._

_Those are…**tears** on his face?_

Naruto was…crying…what…_?_

_He has never seen the other boy in such a state, has never seen anything but exuberant cheerfulness, or ridiculous anger and foolish ways—he hasn't ever thought to see such a lost expression, even if he was sleeping.  It slams his mind into a hesitating sympathy._

Why do I feel as if I'm seeing something no one else ever sees_?  A shiver racks through him. Absently, he reaches out to brush an finger across the dried tracks on the whisker-marked cheeks._

_The eyes flutter, and panicking, Sasuke flickers himself out of sight and lands on the ground with a belated intake of breath.  His heart is thumping wildly, and his fingertips tingle in the absence of touch.  What was **that**?  What the hell was I doing__!?_

_He scuttles over to the wall, pressing close into the shadows, and looks up.  He watches the hand flex, then withdraw.  Then a mutter of sound—but Sasuke is already slipping along the wall and darting away.  In moments he's out of sight, and conceals himself in a dark unused room._

Why—**Why**** did I do that_?_******

~Present~

_//my body's broken//_

_//yours is bent//_

He ran until the trees sped by in blurs of mossy brown.  He was heedless of the wet rain, the slick leaves and treacherous footing.  He didn't care—anything would be better than this.  His heart pounded furiously, his throat burning as he sucked in half-sobbing gulps of air.

_—Damn you—_

He ran, pushing himself until his legs burned into numbness, until he couldn't feel his heart thumping, until all he could feel and hear and think of was the sneer on that perfect face.  The disgust in the eyes, the cold irritation in the set of the mouth.  A face he had thought wouldn't show such a hateful expression.

—_Damn you damn you damn you!—_

He ran, soaked to the skin, hair plastered to his skull and tears mixing with the rain.  His mouth was open in a silent scream, the grimace more of pain than anger and the world was a blur of bitter anguished _hurting—_

Everything was hurting.

A vine caught his ankle, and suddenly—before he could react he had tumbled to the ground in a boneless heap, shuddering with the force.  Stars knocked through his vision as he lay there, too stunned to move, too stunned to breath for a moment.

_…damn you…his mind repeated in a broken whisper, and his shoulders began to shake.  His voice made a keening breathy whine as he squeezed his eyes shut and told himself he wouldn't cry.  He wouldn't cry, not over him—not over that bastard, not over what he said and how he looked and—_

—and—

Choking, Naruto curled into a ball, aching more within his soul than out, and sobbed.

~@~

_//in the shape of things to come//_

_//too much poison come undone//_

_//every me and every you//_

The rain made winding patterns on the glass of the window.  The wind was blowing at an angle tonight, so even as the rain slid into oblivion the wind would come along and push it aside, toying with it.  It gave the world beyond an underwater sense, an off-balance twist to the normal view.  He noticed this without realizing, staring out into the darkness and watched the clouds churn angrily.  They were a dusky greenish black that matched his feelings.

_Idiot.  _

His brow furrowed behind the protector, his eyes distant.  White teeth worried at a lip, and almost absently, he stifled a sigh.

_…the look in his face… his mind reminded.  _You **hurt him.  **__

_I didn't… he lied.  __That's not it—that's not it at **all. I didn't do anything! **_

Sasuke sighed softly, his expression flickering between stern resolve and remorse.  He hadn't meant to make the blond upset—he hadn't thought his words would affect him so.  He hadn't ever reacted like that to anyone else, had he?  Naruto was always laughing, always bouncing from insults and as fidgety as a child on a pound of sugar.  He always brushed off the slurs and grinned.  

He was always smiling.  

So his insults shouldn't matter, Sasuke decided.  They were rivals.  They were trying to out-do each other, and if a word could strike such a sensitive place, then didn't that show who was stronger?

_But… why am I different?  Why did you look at **me **like that?  Why follow me and chase me as if defeating me was the most important thing?  As if my…acknowledgement mattered?_

Then, in a soft, almost unheard whisper of thought, _What__ did I do wrong?_

"I heard what happened," a quiet voice spoke in the silence, shattering into the depressed thoughts.  

Unsurprised, Sasuke turned his head to see the half-masked Kakashi perched on the second window across the room.  It was open, and although it was on the shielded side of the room, rain skittered in and left tiny puddles on the floor.  

"Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke replied shortly, pointedly eying the puddles on the floor.

The tall rangy man ignored the look, and raised a brow. "Sakura mentioned that Naruto ran off into the woods, and that the other kids were saying that the 'great Sasuke' had put Naruto in his place."

"Really?" the dark-eyed boy said coolly, and turned back to stare through the window.

"So what did you say to him?" the man said offhandedly.

Sasuke frowned.  His words had been no more than an automatic response, the words he _always _said…the ones everyone used.  _So why did he run off like that?  "I said nothing that no one's said before," he glowered.  _

~Past~

_//I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind//_

_//sucker love, I always find someone to bruise//_

_//and leave behind//_

_Sasuke isn't sure why he's staring at the blond from the corner of his eye, isn't sure why he's regarding the boy with attention that most of the girls would die to have, or looking with his precious and rarely-shown curiosity.  He doesn't know—all he can think of was the lack of pretense seemed to draw him._

_Sasuke wants to see it again.  He wants to see the boy without his masks, without his cheerful goofy grin and childish actions.  Wants to know if everything the boy did was a charade, and why he pretends.  Sasuke wants to know why he fights so hard and laughs without a care and why he's so stubborn—wants to know if he's hiding that sorrowful pain inside every time._

_And…wants to know why he wants to know.  Why it holds such fascination._

_Sasuke follows him one afternoon, keeping his distance and watching with dark questioning eyes as Naruto slips off into the low hills.  It takes him the better part of an hour to finally muster up the courage to approach, mind searching for a plausible excuse.  Perhaps they could spar—_

_Sasuke tilts his head.  "Oiy, dobe!  What are you doing?"_

_"Eh?" the blond twists his head back over his shoulder, startled.  "Sasuke?  What the hell?" he says while frowning, a gleam in his eye that seems to be…happy._

Is he glad to see me_? Sasuke thinks, staring down from the top of the hill.  Glad even though all we do now is fight_?  He shrugs in response to Naruto's teasing grin, and paces down the hill.  He raises a brow when he reaches level ground.  "You skipped out of training early," he says finally, disapprovingly.  __

_"Aw, who cares," the blond shrugs easily, then falls back with his arms behind his head.  "That old pervert talks too much."_

_Old pervert—Sasuke frowns, scanning his memory for the name of Naruto's recent teacher.  Jiraiya…a pervert__?__  Sasuke remains silent long enough to make Naruto fidget uncomfortably and peer at him curiously.  Deciding it wasn't important, Sasuke bends his legs and seats himself smoothly on the ground.  _

_"Idiot," he says.  "You're not going to be able to beat me with that kind of attitude, dobe.  I know you better than you think, and you wouldn't pass up any opportunity to get to be the Hokage.  It's going to take more than skipping out on training just because you can do some special moves," he finishes, smirking slightly._

_Blue eyes are wide; the mask slips enough to show shock.  "W-What?" the blond blinks rapidly.  He must be startled to hear such a long-winded speech—Sasuke hasn't ever seen the blond so surprised._

_Naruto is peering at him suspiciously._

_Sasuke doesn't look at him, his mind slipping blankly as he reaches out and plucks a blade of grass, toying with it.  He repeats, "I know you better than that.  You shouldn't pretend."_

There.  Take the bait, Naruto. Show me how well you fight in **this** kind of battle.

_Naruto pushes himself back up and frowns at him, eyes dark with a hesitant emotion.  "Sasuke…"_

_The dark-haired boy has a slight scowl on his face.  "Why do you pretend?" he pauses.  "Naruto—"_

_"Why do you care?" the blond whispers, emotions pushed aside until only stiffness sets into his shoulders.  He turns his face away.  "You don't even like me—we're not friends, we're rivals—"_

_Sasuke glances at him sharply at the sound of the odd wistfulness in the voice, the grass pinched between thumb and forefinger staining his skin green, but the blond isn't facing him._

_"Why should you care?" Naruto repeats bitterly._

He's never had anyone…they all treat him the same—and yet, I don't know why…he's different…He thinks he's my equal, he thinks he's that strong_—"That's not true," Sasuke says slowly.  "You—"  _

_"Sa~aasuke!" a high voice cries out, and as the dark-eyed boy turns his head, Sakura waves from the top of the hill.  "Kakashi said to meet him at the third statue!"  _

_He gives a half-hearted wave of his hand to show he's heard, and looks back.  Naruto is watching from the corner of his eye, emotions leashed and small wiry body tense.  A wary look—as if he's merely waiting for a kick, expecting_ it—it stares out at him.  It has been such a long time since they had done anything but fought—it seems ages ago that he had jumped in front of a barrage of deadly needles for this boy…not even knowing why.__

_It's strange how things seem to change even when you look them straight in the eye._

_"Naruto," the dark-haired boy muses absently as he stands.  "What if we **are?"  Then he turns and begins the climb.  He's nearing the top of the hill when a furious voice shouts up at him.  **_

_"Oiy, you bastard!__  Even if we **are**—it doesn't mean I'll play nice!  I'll still kick your ass!"  _

_Sasuke turns to smile faintly at the determined look, the clenched fists.  "You still can't beat me, and we might__ be friends in spite of it all," he calls. "But that doesn't mean I'll go easy on **you**, dobe!"_

~Present~

Kakashi made a quiet hmm, startling him out from the memory.  "I see," he said after a moment.  "So he took something that _you said personally—yet, that's unlike him, right?"_

"It's stupid," Sasuke declared, irate and flustered.  "It's a stupid thing to do, running off like that and getting all upset over _words.  It's not like I—" he paused, mouth working, and turned away angrily. __It's not like I **meant it…**_

_Not like he knows_ that, stupid.__

"So, you think it's strange to see him hurt by the careless words of someone he cares enough to protect?  You might as well slap him in the face, Sasuke," Kakashi replied simply.

_Stop it.  Stop it, I **know!  He grimaced, rubbing absently at his shoulder. "Kakashi-sensei…"**__ I can't be his friend, not when I do something as stupid as this…not when all I seem to see is when he gets stronger…_

"So what do you think you should do, Sasuke?"

"_I don't know!" the boy exploded, finally turning to face the unruffled teacher.  His clenched fists rose half-heartedly.  "He gives me these looks, as if I'm something _more_—like what I do _matters _to him—We're _rivals!_ Not friends—we _can't_ be friends!" he paused, trying to breath.  "God…" he said after a moment.  He sounded defeated even to his own ears and slumped.  His shoulders hit the wall, and after a second, he slid downward with a faint hiss of cloth-on-wood.  _

_Not friends, but you'll pretend that you **are just to find his weakness, a voice accused him.**_

Kakashi sighed, a fleeting irritation going through his single visible eye, and hopped through the window.  He muttered something that sounded like 'blind to everything,' and walked over to the slumping dark-eyed boy.

"Sasuke," he said kindly.  "Yes or no: do _you want him as a friend?"_

Dark eyes peered at him, confused.  "Kakashi-sensei…"

A hand laid itself with comforting weight on his shoulder.  "All I'm saying is that there is more to life than revenge and being the best…if you have the courage to find it."

_But I—I told him—_

_//Hands catch his arm, and he hears an excited breathless voice.  He turns to see Ino and a small group of the other girls.  They ask him about his day, about his training. All of them have been impressed with—as usual—since he had shown his powers during the Chuunin exam.  As usual__, he thinks.  Mildly disgusted with their actions, but unable to avoid it, he mentions a few details as they walk into the school.  Anything to keep them occupied.  Anything to get that faint sense of strength that they seemed to prove by flocking to him.//_

_//Then in the hall, a girl he has never paid any attention to before is asking,"So, Sasuke-kun—tell us!  Does this mean you're friends with Naruto now?  You've both trained and gotten so strong—" she breathes with half-awed, half-disgusted fascination.  "Is he really—" //_

_//He frowns, wondering why they think of the blond, why he feels uneasy at their words, and shakes his head. Inside, a small part of him is realizing that his singular existence as a prodigy is being slowly worn away—and his voice becomes as cold as he can make it by the time they reach the door—which takes surprising little time.  He injects his angry automatic thought as they all pause for breath.//_

_//"No—I'm not **friends** with that stupid dobe.  He's just on my team—the team is more important than his stupidity.  And we're **rivals—besides, why would I want to be friends with ****him—" the door opens as he speaks.  The words seem to die upon his mouth, as he sees the face beyond slip into something resembling incredulity.  The blond is in the middle of opening the door for him, in the middle of yelling out a greeting, and as he sees the shock flicker into something stronger…//**_

_//Blue eyes widen slightly, fine cracks in the mask that shatter outward—even as the face smoothes into practiced distance.  There's a faint shimmer of disbelief.  Of pain.  Of a deep and constant pain, even after all this time.//_

_//…Sasuke knows he made a mistake, although he can't understand how.//_

_//Behind him sounds the heedlessly cruel laughter of the others, the mocking faces.  People that had grown up with him, people that had been influenced since birth to look in a certain way.//   _

_//People that the fox-cursed boy strived to prove wrong…including one Uchiha Sasuke.__  The blue eyes flicker, the mouth moving as if he wants to speak—but he flashes out of the room without another word, betrayal hanging thick in the air, thicker than the laughter of the peers and thicker than the uneasy doubt.//_

_//Outside, it begins to rain.//_

~@~

_//pucker up for heaven's sake//_

_//there's never been so much at stake//_

_//I serve my head up on a plate//_

_I should just leave, came the unbidden thought, as cold as the muddy mixture of leaves and roots he found himself on.  __Leave and never come back.  I was wrong—he **doesn't** care…he'll never care.  I should just leave._

Naruto inhaled with a wet snuffling sound, rain and tears and snot on his face, smeared with mud and scrapes.  He fought back a choking pain at the thought—_he'll never care!_—tried to breathe through his stuffed-up nose.

_Leave.  Go away.  No more pain, no more monster—go away where no one knows and no one cares…_

_…where there's no Sasuke…_

Naruto pushed himself up, absently rubbing his bruised shin and knees, scouring away the filth on his face with an equally filthy sleeve.  _Where would I go?_

But leaving meant traveling, and right off the bat he knew that anyone leaving the Hidden Leaf would refuse his company.  He was on his own for this, or…

_What about my **training**?  Jiraiya won't just let me leave—_

Naruto exhaled slowly, heedless of the rain and muck and the cold eating him away.  The seed of an idea was taking root, and within moments, he knew what he could do.

He could go find Jiraiya…find him and continue his training and get away from everything because he _knew_ that the old pervert would be up to 'visiting' some of the more prominent hot springs…Even if it meant leaving the Hidden Leaf for a time…

_…leaving Sasuke _behind…__

Naruto had to leave. 

The rain swirled in the muddy hollow as the afterimage fizzled apart, wet leaves stuck to the bark and the ground.  There was no sign of movement, no sign of anyone ever curled up against the roots and breaking.

There was no sign of Naruto to be found.

~@~

_//All alone in space and time//_

_//there's nothing here but what-here's mine//_

_//something borrowed, something blue//_

Two days passed before Sasuke found out that Naruto was gone without a trace, leaving everything behind.  His possessions, his ramen, his things—all of it was here, and Naruto was gone.

It took him three minutes to move, nodding with a jerk and struggling to breathe despite the news.

_It's all my fault.  All my fault he's gone and it's my fault!_

 It would be years before Sasuke had reason to smile again.

~TBC~

~Author's Notes~

…um, first time I'm writing a Naruto/Sasuke fic.  *grin* and it's all his fault! *points randomly*

but anyhoo…never fear, it's not that angsty.  It'll be…different, true.  But it'll be smut-ish, and *definitely* yaoi.  But this is just the prologue, and I'm setting up everything.  I hope the scene-shifts didn't mess you up—the present-tense stuff is flashback, and the other stuff (under the ~present~ tags) is what happens right then and there.  Otay?  

Otay.  Enjoy!  Review, please!


	2. one

**~~Warning/Disclaimers~~**

I don't make money off this fic, sadly.  It's one of my first Naruto fic-attempts, and it's going rather fast.  It's also **yaoi if you couldn't tell by the first chapter's warning, and yes, there will be explicit love.  *cough* **

Anyhoo.  This chapter takes place about five years after Naruto ran away…and yes, Naruto's messed up.  Sasuke's messed up.  (everyone's messed up, hee)  This is, hopefully, something you will enjoy!  

**Content rated R for swearing, a smidge of violence, and portents of doom.  

Have a nice day!!

**Out from Inside**

**(ch. one)**

A fire flashed sparks into the brittle air and illuminated brief flashes of gray-green grass, stone and earth.  This high into the mountains there was little sound save the snap and crackling sticks of wood.  Every so often the wind swished through the sparse trees and moaned over the pitted craggy stones, cold and unfeeling before falling back to a fitful brush of air.

"God, what I wouldn't give for some ramen," a low voice murmured just beyond the firelight.

A man seated just within the light rolled his eyes and scooted closer.  He reached out and carefully turned the spitted rabbits roasting over the flames.  "It's all we have, so stop complaining."

The other groaned.  "But—ramen—"

"_You're the one who wanted to leave that little village yesterday, Naruto."_

"Your point?"

Jiraiya bounced a pebble off the forehead, and his voice dropped into a despairing whine.  "_So_ _it's all your fault_.  I could be in a nice local village, surrounded by young beautiful women, where they could be—"

"_Ugh," the young blond groaned dramatically, effectively cutting him off before he could fall into a monologue about the virtues of the other gender.  "Shut _up_ already, you dirty old pervert.  Is the food done, yet?  I'm hungry!"_

"Just about.  Sit up, brat, and pass me the sake."

Naruto promptly sat up, grinning, and fished out a small gray bottle.  "So, what else are you gonna preach about?" he asked, taking a swig before capping it, and tossing it over the fire.  Jiraiya caught it deftly in one hand, frowning at him, as Naruto continued, "I mean, hurry up cuz I wanna eat."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jiraiya said primly.  But he popped the cap with a thumb and tossed back a healthy swallow.

"Oh, _please.  We've traveled for five years, pervert." Naruto grinned at him affably, brushing back a hand through his fire-tinted hair.  After a moment he scooted his way near the fire and curled his legs under him.  "I know you've got something up your sleeve—or whatever—because you're always drinking sake when you're trying to think!" he finished by shaking a finger in the older man's direction._

"Ah, is that so?" Jiraiya kept his face blandly neutral.  "That's about right, over five years now…" he trailed off, and absently turned the spits.  _That makes Naruto nearly eighteen now…_Then he sighed, and fixed the blond with a suddenly serious stare.

"We're going back," he stated simply.

Naruto froze in place, fixing him through the light of the fire with a wide-eyed gaze that was more afraid than angry, even though the tone was cold. "You better mean to the village back down the pass…"

"We're going _back."_

"No…_No," the young man said after a second.  "I'm not—not there—"_

"You are.  You have to, Naruto.  It's time, and you have to…" he paused, sighing a second time.  "Don't you think it's about time you made amends?"

Naruto clenched his fists and wrenched his gaze from the pity in the old man's eyes and stared into the fire.  "I won't—you can't make me!" he spat, and thought, _Not now…not after all this time…_He ignored the trembling in his stomach and pushed away the pain.

The white-haired sennin set out his last tactic, hating to resort to such a cowardly measure.  "No one has to know you've returned.  You know that.  Tsunade needs to check out your…infection, Naruto.  You need to go back, and you know it."

The blond flinched, despair and fear rippling like shadows across his face.  He fidgeted with the edges of his tan cloak, tracing buckles, and wrapped it securely.  _Go back.  So what if it might be time to go back—he couldn't…_

"I _can't," Naruto whispered finally, shaking his head._

"You have to," Jiraiya repeated in soft steely tones.  "I know how you feel and what you're thinking…but you have to go back.  Here," he said and offered a spitted rabbit.  "Eat it before it gets cold."

Naruto took it numbly, speaking bitterly.  "I don't have to do anything…"  

"Yes, you do.  You have to do this, for the sake of others if not your own."

_Because of me…because of those **bastards **in the Mountain Snow village**…**Naruto felt a sick sense of disgust and pushed it aside.  Better to eat; he had to conserve strength.  He nibbled at the tasteless meat and tried hard to ignore the dull burn in the back of his left eye, the tightness in his belly.  "Damn you," he said softly. "I don't want to do this."_

But a small tiny part of him suddenly fired into excitement, and he knew it _was time.  He was going home, and to his irritation that little part of him whispered __I'm coming back…Sasuke…_

~@~

A little less than a week later Naruto crouched in the shadows of the scrawny trees on the bluffs overlooking the hidden Konoha village, fighting with himself.  His chakra was pushed deep down inside where even Jiraiya claimed he couldn't tell who he was without _knowing it was Naruto.  He waited, silently and tense and shaking, for the sennin to appear and watched the far-away village with a burning throat._

Nothing had changed.

_I can't do this.  I...I can't go back…_

Naruto shifted on numb feet, and was quietly grateful that his poncho-like cloak kept out most of the wind.  The straps and belts across the open sides and front were the only things that kept the fabric from being something resembling a weird blanket, as it rested over the shoulders and hid the torso from view; even concealed the shapes of possible weapons.  Naruto was quietly glad he had decided to buy it.

_It's so different from what I was like…nothing bright and bold and 'Look at me!' shit…**I'm** so different now…_

_I can't do this…the thought returned, echoed and bounced off his skull.  He didn't want to go—he had left everything behind him, everything and everyone—_

But he _did, at the same time.  It didn't even bother him that there would be people down there who had been __happy he had left; he wanted…_

_I want to see Sakura and Iruka and Kakashi again…I want to see all of them…Tsunade-hag and…_

_…and Sasuke…_

_But I can't…I can't I can't—They don't **want me here!**_

Jiraiya stepped into view, breaking him from his thoughts as the bushy white hair moved past his position.  He spoke without looking around, without emphasis.  "I'll meet you at Tsunade's private room.  Top floor, just before her private chambers.  Don't be late and if you don't want people to know…don't be seen."

Then he was gone.

"Hai," Naruto whispered to himself.  _Don't be seen. _Great, thanks a lot, you sick old man_.  Then he sighed. He had known for a while now that Jiraiya's appearance in the village would be nothing unusual.  He had known that Jiraiya made regular trips to the Konoha, that it was an effort to keep the people from suspecting a sennin of his rank harboring a demon-boy. He knew, with a pang of guilty amusement, that everyone thought that he, Naruto, was rumored to be high in the mountain country to the north, over the seas and past the shinobi clans._

Naruto knew that the people who searched for him believed that Jiraiya did the same thing, searching for his pupil—that no one suspected that he had _gone_ to Jiraiya for some method of escape.

_No one knows you're here, either._

Naruto let out a soft breath with his heart thumping, denied himself the anticipation, and vanished.

~@~

Tsunade, the fifth Hokage of the Konoha, sat serenely as a woman of her age should on a cushion.  She relished the quiet little room just behind her 'official' office, the prelude to her private rooms.  It was reserved for equally private conferences, and in the last five years, only three people had been within the walls. She was confidant that not even her enemies knew of the room, with concealed entrances and guards.

She sipped at the tea in a simple green-glazed cup.  It was still quite early, but she was never more aware.

_I wonder, she mused. _If Jiraiya managed to convince that little shit to come home…__

A knock on the paneled door caught her attention.  

"Yes?"

A kneeling dark-haired Anbu with a simple white mask slid the door aside.  He dipped his head respectfully.  "Hokage-sama, there is someone who wishes audience."

She smiled faintly, and brushed at tendrils of hair.  "Jiraiya's here already?"  _Such stiff behavior, she watched the Anbu nod.  _Even after two years…_ Tsunade sipped at her tea again.  "I am expecting him.  Allow him entrance, please."_

The Anbu bowed again, the mask disappearing behind a flow of dark hair.  Then the door shut, and she heard a muffled 'poof.'

A door—the 'public' door in the northern wall clicked, then slid open.  A tall man in half-open robs and wild white hair, and an equally wild grin stood balanced on a pair of wooden geta. (1)  

"Tsunade-chan!" the man called, sounding ecstatic to see her.  "Oh, you look a vision of voluptuous beauty—a heavenly sight of womanhood—"

"Oh shut up, Jiraiya…" she said, and smiled.

~@~

_Fuck, I'm late, the pervert will kill me! Naruto growled to himself as he crouched on the outcropping of a tiled roof, all but invisible.  He paused to make sure the chakra was pushed deep inside; it didn't matter that it made roof-travel difficult without chakra to grip at the slick tiles, but at least no one had noticed him.  He sighed, and flashed along the peak of a different building, as light as the breeze._

He didn't know, yet, how he was going to make it into the tower—he didn't dare just _walk in because of the daily influx of crowds.  And he couldn't just get to the top of the tower, either, since the last two tiers were heavily covered with trespassing jutsus and all kinds of guards.  Anbu or sennin or jounin—he wasn't sure how many would be watching the tower.  _

_So many are running around the village—Naruto watched the unexpected presence of three masked Anbu patrolling the streets, thanked whatever gods were watching that they hadn't noticed him, and slipped off again._

Five jumps and a scramble for purchase later, Naruto landed catlike on the third tier below the Hokage's chambers.  He could sense (in a blurred way) that Jiraiya was inside.  A nose in the breeze confirmed it, and gave him the knowledge that the hag was there too.  Maybe they were even talking about him already—

_And I can't get up there, too much against me without using chakra.  Crap._

Naruto craned his neck, the brown cloak fluttering under the constraining belts, his face shielded by the low-brimmed hat that threatened to blow away.

_ I have to be up there, he thought.  __She'll help me and then I'm the hell out of here._

"Fuck," he muttered aloud, and worked his way east.  At least the third tier was somewhat accessible, if one was careful, and if he could just get inside—

_As long as there's no Hyuuga inside to see through my Ordinary jutsu._

Naruto pried open a window, silent as a shadow, and slipped inside.

~@~

"So what brings you here, Jiraiya?"

The man grinned lecherously, tipping a generous amount of the sake he carried into his tea.  "Oh, the usual.  How's the ruler-life going?  Get any lately?"

Tsunade raised a brow, and debated pounding his head to the floor.  Instead, she smiled sweetly—the smile that said "go ahead and say it—" and made most men shake.  

Jiraiya grinned back.  "Really, though, if you ever need anyone…"  The sennin sipped at his tea delicately, and winked over the rim.  "I could show you right now, if we're alo~one together…"

"As if I'd _choose to be alone with you," the older woman remarked blandly.  "You've got information, Jiraiya, and I haven't got the time to waste.  Either tell me or go back to your little journey."_

Jiraiya set his cup down with a loud _snickt_ and frowned.  "Man, such attitude.  Well.  There's been…a problem I need you look at.  If I'm right…then we have a very bad situation on our hands."

~@~

He wasn't sure what made him glance into the hallway as he walked past.  A glimmer in the corner of his eye, something…not quite right…

So the Anbu in charge of watching over the Hokage looked, and nothing seemed out of place—

_Too normal, his instincts whispered, so he looked harder._

He watched the small groups of shinobi pass as they talked about what kind of mission they wanted, young and old alike, watched the lone shinobi female direct the different ranks into the respective mission rooms.  He heard nothing but low voices and respectful tones, saw nothing but casual movements and a small brown figure walking calmly along the hall towards the stairs, and decided nothing was wrong.

_Wait a minute—!!_

Blinking disbelievingly, the Anbu focused on the figure, unable to tell if it was male or female.  A simple brown cloak reached mid-shin, with slits for arms and the front clasped together by numerous belts.  A low floppy hat kept the face from view.  _Intruder? the Anbu thought, and squinted through his mask.  The edges of the figure were odd and blurry, as if his eyes didn't want to watch him.  __A jutsu?_ I don't sense any strong chakra from a jutsu in use…How can he just walk straight in? __

No one else seemed to notice him, or if they did, there was no recognition…and no alarm.

_Assassin! his instincts whispered—long tuned and somewhat wound tighter than normal._

Eyes fixated on the brown wavering cloak, Sasuke slipped down the hall and followed him.  He ignored the sensation of something _different, something __finally happening in this boring, yet oh so important duty, and relished the opportunity to lash out._

~@~

Naruto bounded up the stairs, and felt a niggling prickle on the back of his neck.  _Dammit—don't tell me I'm being followed?!_  He swished down the hall of the second level—one level below the Hokage's chambers—and paused.

A nearly silent scrape, the sound of a finger lightly tracing wood…and Naruto cursed violently in his head.  _How?!  Fuck, how the hell did they notice me?  _He drew in a cautious breath, slinking back behind the edge of a pillar—and—

_No.  Oh no way._

He sniffed again…and felt his stomach drop the thirty stories to the earth.  _Oh **no way—how the hell—of all the people to run into!!  **_

_Try **running from**, idiot! a more sensible part of him snapped. __If he's spotted you, you won't get anywhere **near that old hag Tsunade.**_

_Shit!_

Naruto peered as carefully as he could in the direction of the sound, the stairs, and waited.  Queasy anticipation, fear, even a breathless (and slightly squashed) sense of happiness choked up through his throat.  

A masked Anbu stepped into view, head swiveling back and forth.  The mask was a simple white oval, unpainted and unmarked except for the two slits for vision.  The hair was a silky blue-black color nearly to the shoulder in length.  White chest-plate and black body suit, wrappings for the arms and legs—

And an unmistakable scent.

_Holy shit!  a small voice yelped.  _He's **Anbu! Of course he's Anbu—Sasuke—damn you!**__

The other male turned his head away a fraction.  Naruto hoped that there was a blind spot because of the mask—and bolted.  _Up the stairs, gotta get up the stairs and into that damn room and—DAMMIT_!

His reflexes were the only thing that saved him as Sasuke appeared before him.  Twisting, Naruto ducked his head and skidded around him, ducking the outstretched hand and shooting off the wall as fast as he could.

"Hey!" Sasuke yelled behind him, voice lower than his memories credited.

Naruto smirked inspite of the jumpy nerves that screamed this was _Sasuke_ and he was Anbu and Naruto was not even _close_ to him now—he waved as he disappeared down the corner, and prayed to any gods within hearing that Sasuke wouldn't figure out who he was.

The chase was on.

~@~

_He's fast, Sasuke thought, eyes narrow behind his bland mask.  He had caught a flash of a grin on the hidden face, mocking and somewhat tense, and the jaunty wave—He had meant to ask the stranger his purpose, confidant in his skills of preventing any attempt on the Hokage—_

And now that—whoever—was running down the halls almost faster than he could see.

_Very fast.__ Sasuke sprinted off after him, surprised and somewhat–dare he say it—happy to have even a remote challenge like this.  He dashed around the corner, dodged by reflex the three shuriken flung in his direction._

_His aim is off, he noted when he easily out-maneuvered them.  He flung a kunai in response, watched it quiver in the wall where the stranger had been a moment before, and leapt off after him as they rounded another corner._

The stranger doubled back without him knowing it, and as Sasuke veered, the other kicked at his head.  He easily dodged it and traded back a punch of his own.  They began to dance around each other, striking air and shadows and the brush of clothing.  Never flesh, and strangely, Sasuke had the impression that the other…knew his fighting style.

He ducked and slammed a fist to the ground, pivoting and spinning out his feet.  The other jumped like a grasshopper with his legs pulled tight.  An arm disappeared beneath the brown cloak, grasping.  Sasuke pushed up, sensing this, spinning in midair and blocking the small thumb-sized kunai from striking his vital areas.

_So **fast**, Sasuke thought again, almost smiling behind his mask in appreciation._

The stranger snorted, unsurprised, and landed yards away in a fighting stance with legs apart and arms invisible beneath the fabric.  Sasuke frowned, on guard from the way it hung from the shoulders; it was impossible to discern movement.  

"You're good," Sasuke ventured cautiously.  "Assassin? Or some kid on a dare?"

The stranger didn't speak, drawing his body down and balanced.

"What are you after, then?" Sasuke replied to the silence and settled down into a stance of his own.  "Who are you?  We should have a name to bury you with…"

Instead of answering, the stranger darted towards a door.

Cursing, Sasuke moved to head him off.  _This isn't right—no talking, no boasting—silent and fucking fast and heading for the stairs—_

_Damn this is irritating—_

He blocked the entrance to the possible exit, darting his hands out in an attempt to grab hold of the material, felt it slip through his fingers.  He didn't understand how the stranger could see him move with his eyes blocked by the brim of the oversized hat and swung a fist towards the face.  

The stranger ducked under and spun away out of reach, moving fast enough to leave Sasuke's sight for a moment—

_"Shit!" the dark-haired male cursed under his breath, hearing a door slam and a patter of steps.  __He at the stairs—dammit he's to **fast!**_

~@~

_That was too close, Naruto panted for breath, running full out without a care for whoever saw him.  The only one able to stop him anyway was Sasuke, or maybe Kakashi because of the sharingan—_Too___ close too close—__I didn't expect this!  He wasn't supposed to be Anbu! He—  _

_…was kinda fun, he thought bitterly.  _Like…it used to be…but there's no way he knew it was me. He would have said something, right?__

_Well, it won't take him long to catch up, came the resolute thought.  __Get a move on._

~@~

"What kind of situation?" Tsunade said after a moment, staring hard and trying to decide if the man was serious or not.  

"It's hard to explain. I was hoping he'd actually make it here this time, but I guess he chickened out," Jiraiya replied and rubbed a hand across his face.  

"You mean…" Tsunade replied slowly.  "He was going to come back?"

"We made it to the village…I told him to meet me here, so he could speak to you—" Jiraiya swallowed his disappointment with the rest of his tea and set the empty vessel on the low table.  "Tsunade-chan," he began.

Running footsteps in the outer hall, and then a door collapsed as something blurred by speed came crashing through.  It landed, rolling as Tsunade crouched on her feet on the defensive; she barely noticed the hilts of five kunai in her hand as it hit the wall and stopped, exposing feet and a single hand and a strange cape with buckles and a weird lumpy hat—

_What the hell is that— she had time to think._

"Dammit!" the thing—person—hissed, and rolled to its feet.  

"_You're late!" Jiraiya thundered suddenly, pointing.  "You inconsiderate little shit!"_

"_Not _now I'm busy-_yiipe!" the speaker yelped as a black blur slammed into him and knocked him back into the wall.  She caught a flash of yellow hair, a grimace, before a fist came up and punched the attacker away while the other kept the hat over his face._

Her Anbu hit the opposite wall, cracking it and landed on his feet, whipping out a dozen shuriken.  

"Hey, isn't that—?" Jiraiya mused.

"_That's enough!" Tsunade yelled with the force of her years and experience, slamming her fist onto the table.  "Uchiha—control yourself!  I am expecting this one!"_

Sasuke skidded to a stop, one hand clenched around the weapons.  The other hand had thrown the rest into the wall as the newcomer in brown dashed out of the way.  Then there was nothing but heavy breathing and the slight 'twing' of the shaking blades.

"Hokage-sama?" Uchiha began, low and controlled.  

"Hmm…looks like he's grown a bit," Jiraiya laughed to himself.  "Such strength, such grace…"

"You fuckin' bastard," the cloaked figure snarled, rounding on the white-haired sennin with unexpected fury.  "Did you know?  Did you know he was going to be here?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jiraiya responded, eyeing his cup as if it should have been full, and was verging on disappointment.

"_Damn you!" the other shrieked.  "I didn't need this!"_

"Calm down," Jiraiya said.

_"Fuck you!"_

Tsunade sighed, and sat back down.  "Both of you shut up!" she snapped and poured herself a cup of hot tea with angry jerking movements.  "And sit down, dammit!" She glanced over the rim of her cup at Sasuke.  He still stood where he had skidded to a stop, the slight movements of his head indicating he was looking back and forth.  She could almost _see _his confusion through the mask.

And the cloaked one, Naruto, hadn't moved from his position.  She gave an irritated glare in his direction, then kicked at Jiraiya under the table.  "What were you saying, before?"

"Hmm?" Jiraiya looked up, discreetly tipping his sake bottle over the cup.  "Oh, you'll see."

"Bastard," she muttered.  "Uchiha, if you would, explain the actions that resulted in my broken door and damaged wall?" She crossed her arms and watched the Anbu turn in her direction and sat on folded legs. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Naruto flinch, and assumed that Uchiha wouldn't realize that it _was_ Naruto—even _she couldn't even sense the distinctive chakra Naruto usually radiated._

"I spotted him in the second tier and didn't recognize him, so I followed him.  He entered the stairs and I stopped him to question—but he ran.  I assumed he was an assassin, so I gave chase, and we ended up here.  Forgive the intrusion, Hokage-sama, I had no idea you were expecting him," Uchiha's low monotone was remotely curious.  "If I may ask a question?"

"Go ahead," she waved a hand.

"What's going on, Hokage-sama?" Uchiha bowed his head.  "I assume you know that one and trust him, but—" 

She watched how his fingers folded over themselves and tightened, saw the muscles clench in his shoulders.  _'But can you trust him?'_ she could read in his posture.  _'Can you be sure that this stranger isn't out to hurt you?' _ and the irritated _'Why was I not informed?'_

"I trust him because I trust Jiraiya, even if he is a dirty-minded peeping pervert.  And because I trust you, Sasuke, I'm going permit you to stay."

"What?!" the other boy yelped, strangled.  "No way! No fucking way! This wasn't part of the deal, bitch!"

Tsunade smiled faintly and nodded to Uchiha.  "Because you will have questions, no doubt, but keep them inside until my conference is finished."

"Hai."

She set her cup down quietly, and motioned for the cloaked boy to sit in front of her. "Come here and let me look at you."

"Not…" Naruto cleared his throat.  "Not in front of him…"

"Don't be stupid," she waved his worry off.  "He won't see anything."

Twitchy, the young man slipped over to sit across from her with a flourish of brown cloak.  This close she could see white teeth fastened on the lower lip and the clenched jaw.  She sighed, a stab of painful affection—motherly affection—twisting her insides.  

Behind him, she noticed Uchiha's attention focus on the back, curious and alert and apprehensive.  _Stop worrying about his reaction and focus on the task at hand.  "Lift," she said, reaching out over the small table and touching his chin.  Naruto obediently raised his chin, slowly._

Whisker-scarred cheeks appeared from behind the fabric collar, the face small and cunning, fox-like with pointed chin and a wide generous mouth.  The brim of the hat raised enough to reveal the eyes, a single sky-blue orb watching her with fury and hurt in its depths.  The left was hidden behind strands of golden hair.

Naruto watched her silently, furiously, as she frowned and touched the skin just below the left eye.  

"Why is this one covered?" she murmured.

"My _infection," Naruto muttered bitterly, closing his eyes as she brushed back the hair.  "It's spreading."_

When he opened his eyes, she gasped, drawing back inspite of herself.  She looked at him, heart pounding with fear and despair, looking at the sorrow in the sky-blue right eye…

…and the rage in the crimson left eye.

"Naruto," she whispered unthinking, "What have you done?"

The room went still, Jiraiya blinking over his cup and sipping.  Naruto made a curious strangled sound, drawing back and tense…

"…dobe?" Uchiha whispered, the sound so soft and pained it could have shattered glass.

"_Dammit," Naruto choked out.  The window shattered almost before the afterimage disappeared, setting off five different alarms._

Tsunade sighed, dropped her hand to her lap, staring through the spot where Naruto was sitting.  Uchiha had risen halfway to his feet, conflicting thoughts or feelings keeping him frozen, his face turned in the direction Naruto had so speedily exited.  

"Go after him," she said after a moment.  "I need to analyze this further."

The Anbu didn't hesitate before he vanished as well.

~TBC~

~a/n~  Things a little clearer now?  Well…no love in this chapter…but the beginnings in the next!!  You know I had envisioned Naruto as a totally different character, somewhat happy and bitter and all that—and here he is, half-broken and hurting and scarred…hmm…*grin*

Plus, Sasuke's an emotional amputee, which should mix well with his self-inflicted guilt spree and Naruto's self-digust…

Ah, well.  Oh—_geta _are those weird platform sandals that Jiraiya wears.  Hope you enjoyed!  Comments, if you could! 


	3. two

**~Warning/Disclaimer~**

Naruto and all it's slashy characters don't belong to me.  Sad, isn't it? I could make them do all sorts of things….eh…Um. Anyhoo.  Second chapter!  No love, yet, but…*grin* it should hold a few kicks.  

Enjoy!  Rinse, Lather, Review!

**Out from Inside**

**( ch****. two)**

_Go after him._

Sasuke didn't hesitate as he bounded through the shattered window into nothing.  The regret in the Hokage's words seemed endless.  His heart thundered shamefully, his mind looping around the single thought as he plummeted.

_Go after him. Go after Naruto.  **Naruto**._

He landed in a deep crouch and sprang off before the impact even registered.  Ahead of him—so far ahead—he could see Naruto—the stranger, the supposed assassin, the one in brown—flashing across the rooftops like heat lightning.

Sasuke told himself that he was chasing Naruto—his mind wrapped around the name like a shroud—because the Hokage needed him.  That the woman needed to do something for Naruto—

_He wouldn't have returned if something hadn't gone wrong, the wicked thought struck him.  __He wouldn't have come back._

Guilt gnawed with jagged teeth and he forced himself to run faster.  It wasn't true.  He didn't know why Naruto had left—

(liar)

—but he wasn't going to let him get away again and cause so much problems.  Not this time.  Not again.  It was easy to tell himself this, to force everything aside and _run_ as fast as he could after the fleeting shape.  He had the brief impressions of people glancing up as he sped by too fast to be seen, of skittering paper in the wind he caused, the more alert Anbu watching him sharply.

They, at least, knew he chased someone.

_He's so much **faster **than before flashed through his head as he skimmed the length of interconnected wires.  He was gaining.  It was all he could focus on, the shape of Naruto, the flashes of fighting him in the hallways—_

_How could I not know it was him?!_

—the blurred memories of the first year without him ached through his heart without conscious recognition.  The memory of sky blue eyes in fierce joy, determination.  The cracks in the mask that he could see because of his own masks—everything that he had pushed away and denied and tried so hard to forget slammed through his mind and sped him on.

He was no longer aware of the motions his body went through, the placement of the feet and the precise reactions of the muscles to keep his balance and keep his speed as high as possible. His focus was Naruto.  Catching Naruto.  Finding him and asking him and quite possibly hitting him for every moment of pain that Sasuke had endured for the sake of the bastard.

The world blurred by.  The cloaked Naruto leading the way at breakneck speed, careless and panicked.  Sasuke knew the other was aware of him, of his closing speed, and ran all the more faster.

Seconds passed and the outer wall surrounding the village loomed suddenly, almost unexpectedly.  Sasuke was still several leaps behind, just out of reach.  He saw Naruto poised for a moment on the upper edge of the wall, impossibly high, before he sprang up and disappeared over the structure.

Half a heartbeat was all it took before Sasuke darted up the wall and followed him over, leaping off with all his strength into the dense branches and forest growth.

_Catch him.  Find him.  Talk to him and—_

­Brown and green and shafted sunlight swirled into one muddy impression.  He felt the bite of the bark on his palms as he swung, leapt and fell his way through the forest.  His only advantage was that he was gaining ground—he still had to catch the damn runaway.

_—and do something, Sasuke thought.  Leaves and twigs tore at his skin and hair, leaving fine scratches in as he passed, but he ignored it, leapt ahead and felt the muscles of his legs burn, his chest tight with the strain of breathing._

There was a flash of brown just ahead of him, almost within reach.  The crack of a branch and a rip as something tore, and a muffled explosive breath—On instinct Sasuke gathered shuriken and guessed at the next step, and flung the metal pieces.

The next slim branch Naruto planted his foot on cracked, half-sheared and gave out beneath him.  The blond twisted, trying to catch his balance, his inertia carrying him forward and down.

Sasuke dove onto him from behind before his hands could grasp a purchase, and sent them both hurtling towards the ground.

He heard a chilling snarl and Naruto twisted in his arms, kicking and scratching.  Grunting, Sasuke endured a painful blow to the temple as the blond threw his head back.  His mask cracked under the pressure.  He laced his fingers together around the torso, trying to pin the arms and avoid the deadly kicks, the ground and trees flashing in turns.  

Naruto screeched like a cat and it was all Sasuke could do to hold on, to get his feet under him—

They slammed into the ground with a bone-jarring thud.  The breath left his body as a foot kicked him in the stomach.  _—how can he recover so fast—_was the single thought as he curled around the pain.  _Fuck_.

Naruto was scrambling away.

Desperation lent him speed and he slithered forward, scrabbling at the foot closest to him.  Quick as a snake the other heel whapped him around the cheek, the Anbu mask hurtling into the bushes in several pieces.  Sasuke didn't let go, ignored the blood in his mouth and yanked the other boy back.

"Stop running away!" he half-shrieked.  "Damn it, Naruto!"

Apparently his words held some effect for the runaway, because instead of trying to escape, Naruto rounded back, bent at the hips, and started swinging fists at Sasuke's vulnerable face.

Sasuke took the first blow high on his extended arm, wincing, and scrambled to block the next.  Harried breathing, shrill and high, was all the sound he heard.  With his left hand he grabbed the wrist of the nearest arm—Naruto's right—and pulled the other off balance. 

Somehow—he wouldn't remember how later on—he ended up straddled over the twisting bucking body, fighting to keep sharp nails from his face and ignoring the bruises forming from the knees smacking into the middle of his back.  

"Nah—" his teeth clicked together on the tip of his tongue, sharp sweet pain lancing through his skull as Naruto managed to chuck him on the chin.  The wrist he held was pulled away; he countered, pulling back, and Naruto deftly switched their positions in the blink of an eye.

Sasuke found himself on his back, the point of a kunai at his throat and a furious animal looking out through Naruto's eyes.

_His eyes, his mind focused.  __His **eyes**…_

One was blue…the other a glaring crimson color, the color of blood and rage.

"Stop chasing me," the blond hissed.  "Alright?  Stop chasing me!"

Sasuke couldn't seem to pull his gaze from the discolored eye, even when the golden locks slipped free and covered it.  He focused on the face, on the anger and the pain and the slight trembling that he could feel in the edge of the blade.  He pulled in a breath, locking eyes, and forced himself to sound calm as winded as he was.  

"Wha-What happened to you?"

Bitterness—an expression he had never seen the other reveal—flashed through the face.  Naruto stared at him, hard and cold around the eyes and spat "What do you care?" 

It made him angry and he wasn't sure why.  It was automatic.  Eyes narrowed and in a brief second Sasuke slapped the hand with the kunai away from his throat, twisted up a leg and kicked the blond away from him.  He rolled to his belly and pushed himself up to his knees.  Naruto hadn't gone far, and he glared at him.  Hair clung to his face, his bruised and bleeding forehead.

"What do I care?" he echoed, spitting blood.  Naruto crouched opposite of him and scowled.  "_What do I care?!  The fuck if I know!  Damn you, dobe, you could always do this!  Always!" he yelled.  "What the fuck did I do to deserve this!  Always you with your attitude, and getting to my head and making me do stupid things—god __damn you!"_

Naruto stared at him without expression for nearly ten seconds.  The forest echoed with Sasuke's impromptu shouting, and absurdly, he fought down a blush.

Then, true to the unpredictable nature, Naruto delicately raised one hand to his mouth and snorted back a laugh.

_He's…laughing at me!? Sasuke thought indignantly and scowled.  It hadn't taken very long for the confused sensation he had felt as Naruto's teammate to come rushing back.  "What—" he whispered in that deadly quiet voice he had worked hard to perfect.  "—is so funny?"_

"Y-you…you just…" Naruto snickered.  "You swore!!  You never swear! And you're a mess and—" he cackled, the rest of his words breaking up.  He laughed hard and fell back against a tree for support, body shaking.

In the end, Sasuke could only stare at him, confusion and the exertion throbbing through the bruises.  Absently, he pressed a palm to the wound on his temple and sighed.  "…it's not funny," he replied after a while.  _It wasn't funny when you left.  It wasn't funny when we couldn't find you and I got so messed up and everything was wrong—_

"Here," Naruto said, grinning, a touch of sadness in his visible blue eye and threw a square of pale green fabric at him. "You're bleeding pretty bad."

"Thanks," Sasuke said dryly, and plucked the cloth out of the air.  He folded it one handed and touched it to his scrape.  Then he opened eyes he didn't remember closing and regarded the other coolly.  The blond didn't seem to be inclined to leave; he had pulled out a second piece of fabric and was dabbing at some scrapes on his arm, and studiously avoiding Sasuke's direction.

He watched the blond in his strange outfit, in his strange older body.  He could see signs of the old Naruto, the hair and the eyes (both red and blue), and the grin. Instead of the mask he was familiar with, the forced happiness, he saw careful blankness and a weary strain of someone with too much to bear.

Sasuke pushed away the thought that he saw that look in the mirror sometimes. He pushed away the confusion and the struggle to understand and cope with the very thing he had wished would happen, with Naruto, because the blond was never easy to figure out.  He watched him for a few minutes and began to drown under the weight of the silence around them.

_I was going to ask him questions, he mused.  So he mustered up the courage and cleared his throat.  "…Is that why you came back?"_

Naruto blinked up at him, distracted and on guard all at once. "Huh?"

"That." Sasuke motioned with his free hand.  "Your eye.  The Hokage saw that too—is that why you came back?" He watched the muscles in the jaw clench.

"Kinda."

"What'd you do?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, thank you," Naruto snapped, turning his face away.  "Why don't you just butt out, asshole, and leave me alone—"

"Fuck you," Sasuke said simply.  

"You'll need a bath first," Naruto muttered.  "God," he spat, and scrubbed a dirty hand through his hair.  "I can't believe this.  I should be gone, not sitting here _talking_ to you."

Sasuke raised a brow and waited.

"I mean—" Naruto scowled and somehow made it look…childish. "I didn't want to come back," he said sullenly.  "I didn't want to see anyone and if…if I hadn't been so stupid about—about this—" he gestured to his face, "I wouldn't have to be here at all."

_Ouch.  "You hate us that much?" Sasuke asked in a dead voice.  "All of us?"_

_Do you hate **me**, Naruto?_

The blond gave him a disbelieving look with as much irritation in that empty alien mask as he could show.  "I wouldn't exactly call it hate."

To Sasuke's surprise the other reached beneath that strange brown cloak and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.  Naruto tapped one out, produced a lighter in the other hand and fired up.  He grinned around the slim white stick and inhaled.  

"Look," he said when he noticed Sasuke's ill-concealed surprise. "It's just I'm not…I'm not that kid you knew five years ago, Sasuke.  So whatever you're thinking, just forget it, okay?"

Instead of answering, Sasuke pulled the now-sticky fabric from his head and inspected it.  Then he turned it over, and pressed the cleaner side to his head.  _Forget that you've changed?  Not possible._

Naruto smoked for a bit, inhaling and exhaling blue-white smoke and watching him with cautious gleaming eyes.  The red one was glinting from beneath the golden hair.  He made sitting in the middle of a forest after an exhausting chase-and-fight look normal.

Sasuke felt the corner of his mouth twitch.  "It doesn't matter," he said softly.  "Are you coming back or what?"  _Are you coming back so I can ask you where you went?  Why you left—if it was my fault?_

"…Sure," Naruto said easily, stubbing out the embers on a patch of bare earth.  Something dark flickered through his eyes, something that had Sasuke's instincts flaring.  He calculated the intent hidden behind the words and nodded, looking relieved.

Naruto stood and strode the few steps towards Sasuke.  After a second, he extended a grimy hand and waited.

Sasuke took it, feeling a flash of something—annoyance, hurt, a flutter of something he didn't know—and curled his fingers tight.  Felt the strength in the hand as he was pulled to his feet.  They stood chest to chest, the smaller blond looking up to meet his emotionless gaze with one of his own.

"Lead the way," Naruto said, grinning disarmingly.

Sasuke allowed himself to smile, and then in a blur of speed too fast for even Naruto to follow, struck the joint between shoulder and neck with the edge of his hand. He witnessed a brief flare of anger, of startled hurt, before the eyes glazed, and Naruto crumpled like paper.

"Sorry," Sasuke whispered as he caught the body in his arms.  "But you're not leaving again."

~@~

Naruto was dimly aware of a jolting pressure jabbing into the softer parts of his belly, of the scrape of the wind and the spicy taste of chakra in his senses.  Of the cinnamon and earth scent of Sasuke…but that thought got thrown out of his head.  There was no way Sasuke would be anywhere near him, right?

_…not leaving…you're not leaving…whispered through his head.  The pressure on his stomach jounced him, sickeningly, and the sensation of falling assaulted him.  He tried to crack open his eyes, saw nothing but a dirt-smeared white…thing.  His arms were useless, he realized, when he tried to bring one up to touch his head, his aching shoulder. _

_…not leaving again...Naruto gagged on trying to inhale, and the vertigo made him close his eyes.  It took him five minutes of in-and-out moments of consciousness before he put the pieces together._

One: Sasuke had neatly disabled with one blow; he had severely underestimated the Uchiha.  Two: he was being carried over the shoulder like—like a woman—which explained the shoulder digging into his stomach and the strange upside down world that made him feel queasy.  He didn't dare look around for the fear of rejecting what little lunch he had left.

_Well, fuck, he thought.  _

Naruto didn't know if he wanted to throw a fit and run off anyway, or just let the bastard carry him back to Tsunade, back to Konoha…to everyone…and just pretend he didn't want to be here anyway.

After a moment he closed his eyes and decided that he'd play this one out and run away later.  Life couldn't get much worse anyway…and plus, he had Sasuke to torment.

_You've changed, Sasuke, he thought briefly.  _I guess we've all changed…__

~@~

The tea was ice-cold by the time the Anbu returned, but the current Hokage didn't seem to notice.  She raised a brow as he appeared in the window, a lump of brown thrown of his shoulders.  His face was composed but bloody, his arm secured over the legs across his chest, and he looked a bit ruffled.

"You didn't kill him, did you?"

Uchiha hopped to the floor, a mild flash of irritation on his face.  "No," he said shortly.  

Jiraiya fought back a smile and crossed his arms.  "Kicked you in the face, did he?"  He nodded when the young man didn't answer.  "Thought so—vicious little shit when he doesn't want to be caught, isn't he?"

Sasuke glared and dropped Naruto unceremoniously onto the tatami in front of the Hokage. The blond hit the floor with a thud and a mumble of pain.  "Will there be anything else, Hokage-sama?"

Tsunade smiled faintly. "No, thank you Uchiha," she said, glancing at his face.  "Are _you_ alright?  You look—"

"I'm fine," the Anbu replied coolly.  

She watched him turn neatly on his heel and move towards a corner.  Sighing, she cursed for having to deal with stubborn immaturity, for having to deal with _children_, and tugged on her kimono.  Then she frowned down at the prone Naruto and noticed he was quietly rubbing at his shoulder and scowling.

"Naruto?" she said softly.  "Can you sit up?"

A moment of silence, then a soft curse.  "Yeah."  

She folded her hands in her lap, waiting, as the blond pushed himself up and watched her with both red and blue eyes.  There wasn't any anger, just a frustrated helpless glint behind his eyes.  Naruto rubbed at his shoulder gingerly, the area where Uchiha had most likely struck the nerve to incapacitate the runaway, and finally sighed.

"Alright, hag," he said wearily. "What do you want?"

"What happened to you, brat?"

Naruto's face went still, gaze inward as he hesitated.  "Are you talking about when I left or when my eye went red?"

"Your eye, Naruto.  We can discuss the reasons for your absence later.  Right now, the color of your eye is more important."

"…can I…can I smoke?"

_Since when does he smoke? she thought, and frowned.  From the corner of her eye she caught Jiraiya's slight nod.  "It's not a problem," she said to him.  _

Naruto dug beneath his cloak and pulled out a crumpled paper pack, sliding one cigarette free.  He mouthed it and produced a lighter, flicking the flame and inhaling.  His hands shook slightly, she noticed, but Naruto either disregarded it or didn't notice at all.

She glanced at Jiraiya questioningly.

"He smokes when he's nervous," Jiraiya replied.

"Do not," Naruto muttered, avoiding her amused look.  "Anyway," he started again, exhaling a puff of smoke.  "About five weeks ago we stayed in this little place in the mountains to the east.  Snowy something.  There were six families and about a dozen children.  Small, close, that kind of thing.  Stayed there for a few days and helped them get ready for the winter." He shuddered suddenly, fingers grasping the cigarette and inhaled again.  "Me and Jiraiya went to train and when we started back down the path…there was smoke and I could…I could smell the blood."

For a moment there was nothing but silence grating through the room.  Even Uchiha, who pretended to ignore them, had his attention focused on listening.

"Then Tomoko—one of the little girls; she was five, maybe six.  She's walking on the path and she's all cut up and—and we're too far away and there's about five men that were running through the village and they were _killing people and—and they killed her, right there on the path.  Right there."_

The cigarette was burning closer to his fingers but Naruto didn't seem to notice.  His eyes had gone a horribly empty color, his face pale under his tan.

"They killed everyone for no reason," Naruto whispered with a voice growing cold and hateful.  "So I killed them.  I hunted each one down and I ripped out their throats and burned them and cut them apart—" 

Jiraiya cleared his throat.  The sound seemed to startle Naruto, who jumped slightly with his eyes flickering to the white-haired sennin.

"And that's it," he said after a second and dropped the butt into the half-empty teacup.  "When I was…back in my head, my eyes were like this."

Tsunade smiled thinly, fiercely, and reached forward to wrap her hands around Naruto's wrists.  "Good," she said tightly.  "I'm glad such evil men were killed.  I'm sorry you had to endure such a thing but I'm glad they're dead."

Naruto's crooked smile didn't reach his eyes.  "You and me both."

"Unfortunately," her grip on his arms tightened and she dreaded what she had to say next.  "I can't tell you what it means, or how to fix it.  It might be psychological, it might be an effect of the seal—I don't know.  It'll take some time," she watched his face carefully, the way his eyes darkened and grew relieved at the same time.

"I have to stay here, don't I?" he stated.

"Yes.  Do I have your word that you won't leave until we discover the reason, Naruto?"

He shrugged.  "Sure, why not?"

"Your _word, Uzumaki Naruto!" Tsunade replied sternly.  _

Naruto paused and eyed her appraisingly, a smile twitching at his mouth.  "My word?" he said finally, and spit into his hand.  "I swear I won't leave unless you know about it.  Will that do?" He held out his hand.

"It will," Tsunade said grimly, spitting in her own palm.  She grasped his and squeezed.  "…welcome home, Naruto."

"It's great to be back," Naruto said dryly.

~@~

Sasuke stumbled into the hallway of the small house a few hours after the moon had risen.  He dropped a plain wooden replacement mask to the small table near the door, and locked the door behind him.  The room wavered and blurred around him as he thought, _This__ has to be a dream and tried not to trip over the carpet._

"Sasuke?" a whisper of sound.

He looked up, rubbing a hand across his eyes to clear them.  "Sorry.  Did I wake you?"

A heavily pregnant Sakura stood there, a robe thrown over her sleeping kimono. Her arms were bent on her hips and if he hadn't noticed the twitching eyebrow, he wouldn't have known she was angry.

"Where have you been?" she asked quietly.  "Some of the Anbu mentioned you went running out of the village today, chasing some assassin or something."

Sasuke blinked at her.  "Did they?" he mused. 

The pink-haired young woman sighed.  "You were drinking again.  I thought you were done with drinking, Sasuke!"

"Today…today was a bad day," he replied, leaning against the door.  "Go back to bed, Sakura.  Don't want to wake up Lee."

"Sasuke," she said, exasperated. "You can't just drink whenever you have a bad day—"

_I can when it's over Naruto, he thought inwardly.  "Sakura," he whispered tiredly.  "Just go to bed and we'll speak in the morning.  Please." He pushed off the door and walked slowly, determinedly, down the hall towards his small room._

Sakura grazed his arm in passing, giving him a worried look.  "Sasuke, are you okay?"

"Yes," he replied.  "I will be."

He knew she watched him close the door behind him, and he knew that she heard him drop his armor to the floor carelessly.  His head spun sickeningly, the alcohol burning in his system.  

Sasuke dropped onto the single bed.  He exhaled into the pillow and carefully turned his head.  He could hear Sakura's murmur to Lee and the squeak of their bed.  _Lucky they have each other_, he thought. _Lucky they put up with my problems…_

_…lucky…He sighed bitterly. __Naruto._  Welcome home, Naruto…even if you hate me.__

~@~

High in the Hokage's tower, in a small room adjacent to the chambers of the Hokage, Naruto stood at the window, staring out at the moon.  The room was his until he decided he wanted to leave, or to perhaps rent out a place down in the village—but he refused to think of the idea.

"I'm home," he whispered with a bitter taste in his mouth, sweet and sour and thrilling.  "…so what do I do now?"

~TBC~

~a/n – Do you have questions…you do, don't you….Otay, to clear things up, Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, they're all about 18.  Yes, Sakura's pregnant.  No, she's not with Sasuke.  Make sense?  No?  Well…you'll just have to wait.

Another question I got from someone—Why is Naruto so scared of Sasuke!? …Instincts, technically.  Naruto has been living close to the edge of his instincts, and sometimes, beyond, so he reacts instantly before his 'common sense' takes over.  Sasuke, on the other hand, represents everything Naruto left behind (and he's afraid of going back.  Pore Naruto.)  

Okay, anything else I'll make known later, so…I hope you like!!  Are we lathered up yet?


	4. three

**~Warning/Disclaimer~**

Naruto and all it's slashy characters don't belong to me.  Sad, isn't it? I could make them do all sorts of things….eh…Um. Anyhoo.  Third chapter!  Rated for some kissing and some angst—mebbe too much angst, but oh well!  

Enjoy!  Rinse, Lather, Review!

**Out from Inside**

**( ch****. three)**

When Sasuke finally dragged himself out of his room and into the kitchen, a painful headache and stiff bruised limbs, Sakura nearly dropped the plate of sweet buns she held.

"Sasuke! What happened to your face?" she exclaimed, fumbling to keep the food from spilling.

"I'm _fine," Sasuke muttered, sinking into a chair._

"Did you get into a fight last night too?" she persisted, setting the plate down.  "You look awful!"

"I know," Sasuke dropped his head onto the cool surface of the table and sighed.  "Sakura—"

The woman re-appeared at his side with a cold wet cloth and laid it on the back of his neck.  Her fingers squeezed his shoulder, and he heard the chair next to him scrape as it was pulled out.

"Tell me what happened," Sakura commanded.  "You come in drunk last night, show up bruised and god knows what else—"

"Naruto's back," Sasuke mumbled to the table.  "And he kicked me in the face."  A pause.  "Several times."  He reached up behind his neck and pulled the washcloth from his neck, raised his head enough to wipe at his face.

"Are you serious?" Sakura whispered.  "When—_how—"_

"Yesterday he came to see the Hokage…and I don't even know why, but he ran away from me.  He was the one I was chasing yesterday.  He fights very…well."  Sasuke stated.

_Fast, his mind offered._

"Oh," Sakura smiled shakily.  "Is…is he going to visit, then?"

"I don't know."  Sasuke dropped his head to the table again and sighed. "I just…don't know…"

~@~

"Hey—"

It had been nearly two days since Naruto had willingly sought her out.  Tsunade looked up from the multitude of seal scrolls and medical scrolls to see Naruto standing in the doorway to her office.  The sight of him was strange, melancholic and sharp.  She wondered how Jiraiya had coped with Naruto during the past five years, with his attitude and moods and issues.  "Yeah?"

"Uh…" He fidgeted in the doorway with the black mesh along his stomach.  "When did Sasuke become Anbu?"

"Oh," she said, sliding scrolls aside.  _A Sasuke question! Big surprise!  "About two years ago.  Why do you ask?"_

"No reason…I guess I always knew he'd get to be one…"

"Why are you asking me then?" Tsunade frowned at a scroll and held it at arms length.  "Uchiha can answer his own questions."

"Yeah," Naruto rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.  "As if he would ever let me."

"You'd be surprised," Tsunade murmured.  She turned the scroll in her hands upside down and hummed under her breath.  "Naruto—do you experience hallucinations or strange smells, get followed by strange animals or something?"

"Just the little blue deer," Naruto deadpanned, then grinned.

"Hah.  Funny."  Tsunade pushed the next five scrolls off to the side of the desk with a "That rules them out."

"So…" Naruto bounced on his toes.  "Is Sasuke here?"

"Nope.  He requested a few days off." The strictest control kept her face from cracking into a smile.

"Oh."  

Tsunade sighed.  "He usually takes a few days off to gain some training," she said.  "So don't think that he's avoiding you.  You have full access to the village, and you can visit anyone whenever you want."

"I can leave?"

"Just within village limits, unless you're accompanied by Anbu while to training grounds or the forest," she shrugged.  "You're not a prisoner, stupid."

"Well, aren't _we happy little bunnies today," Naruto muttered._

She didn't respond.  A few moments later she heard the quiet '_click' of the door shutting, and grinned.  __Aren't **you** the one with a fixation…_

~@~

_Can't believe I'm doing this, Naruto thought.  __Stupid hag._  Stupid Sasuke.  _He perched carefully on the small windowsill and stared out over the village.  The sun was falling towards the earth; the decision to finally venture back into the streets of his past, perhaps even meet up with a few old friends, had taken him most of the day._

_I'm going insane in here. I've got to get out of here._

Naruto jammed his hat down tight, pulled the flaps of his collar up and tried hard to quell the shivering of doubt he felt.  _It can't be that bad if I don't show my face, right?_

_Maybe…_

He took the risk with a steadying breath, and toppled into space.

~@~

It was less than an hour later when Naruto found himself edging carefully down the street in the lower, expensive housing areas of the Konoha.  A scribbled note was clutched in his hand; an address that some lady was kind enough to give him when he had asked where the 'Anbu Uchiha' lived.  The entire street, however, ranged up and down with apartments, and Naruto had to double-check his paper to make sure he was reading the right name.  The place looked big and expensive and quiet.  

Naruto scowled, scuffling, and trotted across the street. He avoided the curious looks of several children playing down near the alley, and headed for the stairs.

_At least he doesn't live in some craphole, he thought, standing outside a plain door with the number 3-8 scribed on the surface._

Naruto raised a fist and rapped on the door before he lost the nerve.

_Come on, Sasuke, be home so I can get this over with!_

He heard footsteps, his heart jumping, and steeled himself for getting the door slammed in his face—

_I wonder what he looks like without that mask, now…_

—and felt a horrible mocking confusion when the door did open—

"…_Sakura?!"_

He had a brief impression of the young woman through his shock.  Long pink hair pulled back, a pretty red shirt and black shin-length trousers—her face had matured; she was beautiful—

_It can't be here—it is—she's fat! a breathless voice sounded in his head._

"Oh…Oh—_Naruto!" she almost screamed.  She darted forward and hugged him._

_Shouldn't she be squishy? the blond thought absurdly when her protruding stomach bumped into him. He endured a moment of almost painful pressure around his neck, confused and unsure where exactly to put his hands._

_Idiot! a part of him quickly adapted to the surprise and muttered.  __Stupid!—she's not fat—she's pregnant! Baby!_

"Oh, where have you been!?" she exclaimed, pulling back to arms length.  "And your clothes—you're so tall!  Idiot!" she suddenly smacked him on the head.  "Do you know how worried we were!"

"…ow," Naruto mumbled, effectively knocked away from his shock.  "Don't hit me."  He paused to frown at her.  "What are you doing at Sasuke's place? Where _is Sasuke?"  _Why are you pregnant!? _he wanted to ask.__  Why!_

"He's at the training grounds.  And I live here, silly!"

_…say** what?** he felt his stomach jump; the actual thought hurt.  Sasuke—and a very pregnant Sakura?  How come he hadn't known?  When—he scowled, raking hands through his hair and looked at Sakura who didn't seem to notice his confusion._

"Don't just stand there—come in!" she laughed, leaning back to let him through. "I was hoping you'd visit.  It's too bad Lee isn't here yet or else he'd be happy to see you!"

Naruto stepped inside, blinking. "Lee?  You mean he live here too?  I thought—isn't _Sasuke—"_

"All three of us live here," She turned as neatly as a pregnant woman could and led the way to a small and tidy living room.  "For a place like this it's difficult to afford with only one or two people.  Having Sasuke as a roommate isn't so bad.  Very quiet and clean."  Sakura lowered herself to a chair.  "Now sit! she ordered.  "Tell me what you were doing the last few years!"

_But…does that mean **Lee**** _is the…father?_**_

Naruto unfastened several clasps to his cloak on one side and slipped out of it.  "So, let me get this straight," he answered instead, sitting on the floor.  "You live here with Sasuke and Lee?  And—" his eyes dropped to her belly, and a softness whispered in. "A baby? Are you—are you _all together?"_

Sakura choked, giggling.  "The three of us? Together? No, no—I'm married to Lee, Naruto! Almost two years now—and yes, a baby.  I want a child to enjoy.  I know the shinobi way is hard, so I wanted to bear a child while I could.  Life is good, Naruto…"

"I'm…so confused…" Naruto scratched the back of his head and offered a hesitant smile. "I'm glad.  Very glad…"

_Sasuke's not the dad! Sasuke's not with Sakura!_

"Great! So stop avoiding my questions, then!" the woman smiled innocently, but the look in her eyes was serious.  "When you left…"

"It doesn't matter," Naruto drawled.  "I don't want to talk about it, ok?" _Even if you **do know about the kyuubi now, I don't want to talk…**_

Sakura regarded him for a long moment before she smiled sadly.  "It's good to have you home, Naruto.  A lot of people have missed you.  Sasuke and myself included."

He wondered, at her words, if she even knew that was true; no one would have missed him…He smiled in return, though, and didn't hide the bitterness.  _God, I want a smoke…_

"Naruto…"

_Missed me.__  I wouldn't bet that a **lot of people did…maybe Iruka for sure…but no one else...the thought flashed through his mind before he glanced up. "Hmm?"**_

"Would you like to stay for supper?"

~@~

Needless to say, when Rock Lee came home half an hour later, he walked in to find his wife giggling on the small couch, with an energetic and strangely dressed Naruto telling what appeared to be an extensive joke, all black fabric and tanned skin and yellow hair.

"—and then the big guy says 'Hey! Hands off your—" Naruto blinked and whirled in place, a strange bandage over his left eye.  "Oh—um.  Hey, Lee!" he grinned. "How—how's it going?"

Lee dropped his bag to the floor and looked at the smiling face of his wife. "Sakura—what—" _When did he get back and what is he doing here? he wanted to ask, but feared it might be rude._

Her smile turned into a secretive special smile, loving and singular.  "Naruto got back a few days ago.  I invited him for dinner.  Did you find Sasuke?"

Distracted, Lee ran a hand through his shorter hair and frowned. "Yes, I did.  He's at a stand, and half-way through a second bottle…I didn't know he was…again…"

"Was…What?" Naruto asked, suddenly uncomfortable and out of place.

Lee dropped a kiss onto Sakura's forehead before he looked at Naruto, who sat down as naturally as possible.  "There are things you don't know, Naruto." the young man smiled warmly despite his words. "Although I'm glad to see you well, you…you have caused a lot of pain…to Sasuke, in particular."

"Lee—" Sakura chided softly.

_To Sasuke—that again?___

"What do you mean," Naruto said easily even as his posture changed to tense and wary, his visible eye narrowing.  _Great.__  First thing I get is a lecture—"To Sasuke?"___

"I don't know the nature of your fight and I don't want to know.  It is your business—but Sasuke took your absence the hardest of us all.  I assume you know he's Anbu, right?" Lee slid around to sit on the narrow couch next to Sakura, entwining his hands with hers, his eyes relentless on Naruto. 

At his question, Naruto raised a brow and nodded. "Anbu? Oh, I know.  He chased me down and knocked me out wearing that freaky mask.  What does it have to do with me?"

"Do you know that for the last year, Sasuke hasn't touched an ounce of sake or wine?"

"What—?"  
  


Sakura tightened her fingers on Lee's wrists, looking at Naruto with sad eyes.  "Sasuke started…drinking after he made Anbu.  That was three years ago.  He didn't stop until less than a year ago…and until two nights ago, he hadn't touched anything stronger than water."

Naruto leaned back and crossed his arms behind his head.  "Sasuke was…was a drunk?  Are you trying to pin that on me?  I'm not the one who made him pick up a bottle—"

"Not like—not like that, no," Sakura interrupted, smiling reassuringly.  "He was…running and hiding, Naruto.  He was never good at coping with things…"

"You know he lives with us?" Lee said quietly.

Naruto nodded slowly.  _Lee's gotten so much older…he's acting like a dad!_

"It's because we were needed to keep him…here. Alive.  To help him." Lee paused.  "Whether we did or not is hard to say.  Sasuke isn't…the expressive type."

Naruto shook his head and sat forward, arms dropping to his lap.  "You realize this is all sounding like bullshit, right?  This is _Sasuke_ we're talking about.  Sasuke!  He wouldn't—"

But the look in their faces told him that Sasuke _had_—and the guilt twisted with needling spines into his gut.  "Dammit," he muttered to himself. "Dammit.  I need a smoke.  I so need to leave.  Fuck."

"Naruto—" Lee's voice sounded and Naruto looked up into his dark eyes.  "I would have you know that I have missed you as well…even if I seem harsh and unwelcome.  I am glad to see you again."

Naruto couldn't find an answer other than a soft, twisted smile to match his feelings.

~@~

Less than fifteen minutes after Lee's arrival, Naruto found himself outside in the alley, Sakura's dinner postponed until tomorrow.  Instead, Sakura had asked him if it was possible to find Sasuke and ask him to come home.He didn't want to deal with everything that had gotten dumped on him tonight, the changes and guilt and mind-bending confusion.

_Sasuke drinks…or did drink…Naruto scowled and pulled his cloak tight with one arm, cigarette in his mouth.  _Because of me.__

_Well, too fucking bad, a part of him growled. __He's not the only one with problems._

Naruto stubbed out the cigarette on the wall and flicked it off into space.  With a sigh of disgust at the situation, at himself—a part of him muttered that he would be better off just leaving and not coming back ever again, seal be damned—but he ignored it and darted off.  His senses picked up the faint traces of Sasuke's chakra; he angled in that direction, skipping easily over the rooftops and alleys.

He had to admit that he was curious about the entire deal—Sasuke, drinking? It seemed impossible.  _I wonder if he gets all funny and laughs a lot like Jiraiya—_

"I'm supposed to tell him to get back to the apartment, remember?" Naruto told himself as he landed in the shadows across from a clean-looking stand that stretched for twelve stools.  He could see five people grouped in the middle just beyond the curtain, and one sitting off near the end by himself.

_Has to be Sasuke, he thought, despite the fact that he could only see the black-clad legs, and walked forward.  He ducked under the curtain, and paused.  Sasuke sat with his back to the world, one leg curled beneath him.  Three small flasks of sake were lined up neatly before him, and as Naruto watched, Sasuke lifted the shallow cup and tossed back a mouthful of the sharp-tasting liquid.  The Anbu mask—a simple white oval—lay flat and accusing, like a half-grown face in the wood._

Naruto shivered, then pulled out the stool and sat next to Sasuke.  "So, are we sharing tonight?" he asked, trying not to look at Sasuke's profile, trying not to feel nervous even though he was.

The dark-haired one didn't move other than to place the porcelain vessel onto the counter with careful movements.  "Mine.  Buy your own," he said without looking.

Naruto was relieved to hear that Sasuke talked slowly and clearly.  "You're a cheap bastard, Sasuke" he muttered. He waved off the man behind the counter to signal he wasn't going to buy anything.  "Are you almost done?"

Sasuke turned, blinking, to frown at him through the black strands of his hair.

…_So that's what he looks like without the mask, now, Naruto thought._

Sasuke's face was smooth, young looking, with his dark-smudged eyes peering at him in confusion.  Delicate cheekbones and a stubborn chin, narrow nose and slanted eyes. Even drunk, Sasuke had grown up into a flawless sort of beauty, cold and impassive.  _But he's not cold, Naruto thought then, mind flashing to the few days ago when Sasuke had kicked him across a clearing and yelled at him.  __He's got a temper._

"N-Naruto?" Sasuke peered.  "When did you get here?"

Naruto smiled slowly.  "Just now," he said.  "You should take that mask off more often."

Sasuke flushed pink, and the blond grinned wolfishly. Instead of responding, Sasuke tipped more liquid into the bowl and sipped at it.  "How'd you know I was out here?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.  

"Sakura," Naruto replied blandly and spun side to side on his stool.  "She wants to make sure you get home in one piece.  Are you done yet?"

Sasuke snorted, an almost-laugh, and tossed down the rest of the liquid.  "Bah.  It's early." He peered at his bowl and tilted it, toying with it.  "Naruto…" Sasuke slid a glance at him sideways.  

"Yeah?" the blond said absently, tapping his fingers and keeping his face turned away from the suddenly-interested group of men several seats away.

Sasuke arranged the empty sake bottles into a triangle, tilted his head and nodded slowly.  He pivoted on his stool to face the blond.  "Are you going anywhere?"

_Okay, so a drunk Sasuke is somewhat interesting and definitely insane. Naruto raised a brow and waited.  "Not really, no."_

Leaning towards him with one arm flat on the counter, Sasuke peered intently at the blond.  Despite the lack of the cold exterior Naruto was more familiar with, he wasn't able to tell the emotion glinting at him.  A tiny frown etched on Sasuke's forehead.  

"Do you want to go train?" the black-haired Anbu said slowly, quietly.  

"Huh?" Naruto said. _Where the hell did that come from? "What happened to the 'I hate you' theme?  How much sake did you have?!"_

Surprisingly, Sasuke stuck out his tongue and made a face.  "Stupid dobe.  Let's go; I want to train."  He stood without swaying, hands on his hips, and waited with a stubborn frown.

"You're trashed," Naruto pointed.  "I can kick your ass on a good day.  You really want to train?"

Smirking, Sasuke poked him in the forehead and drawled, "Are you _scared, dobe?"_

Naruto swatted at the hand, swallowed against the flip in his stomach—_Smirking is illegal, smirking is illegal—_and stood up.  He pressed a coin down on the counter, baring his teeth briefly, and ducked under the curtain.  "Come on, asshole."

He stumbled when Sasuke flashed him a grin, swiping the mask and hiding it in a pouch. _This can't be good, Naruto thought.  _He's really smashed and I'm in no mood to pick his ass off the ground—__

But Sasuke seemed to have no trouble walking, he noticed, and reluctantly followed.

_Let's not try to think of how pretty he is when he **really smiles.  Or how nice his legs are—**_

Naruto winced and muttered a curse. _And how about not thinking like that at all.__  Yeah.  Definitely not happening. _He put the thought from his mind with ease—it had gotten so much easier over the years to put unwanted thoughts aside—and followed Sasuke off behind the shadows of an alley and into a path guarded by tall trees.

_He might actually be able to train like this, Naruto thought. __Trust an Uchiha to train while three sheets to the wind._

It wasn't long before Sasuke paused, the paleness of his skin nearly glowing in the night, and turned off the path.  Naruto followed without question, curious and apprehensive all mixed in his belly.  He ducked under a low sweeping branch, and came into a clearing.

_Impressive, was the first thought he had.  He stopped in the edge of the clearing.  Half of the place seemed devoted to traps and wires and some sort of obstacle course, the other furnished with logs and targets.  It had a well-worn look, and Naruto knew without asking that Sasuke made it a regular practice to come here._

_He's serious, was the next thought, when his eyes found the other young man.  Sasuke had managed to unfasten the white chest-plate armor and was setting it neatly on a bare patch of earth.  Naruto watched him pull off his various pouches until he had the single holster on his left hip, then slip out of his sandals until he stood barefoot._

_That's just…Naruto smirked before he pushed the thought away.  Walking up to where Sasuke stood, he yanked the cloak over his head, slipped out of his own assortment of bags and pouches, and folded the cloak around them.  He set his hat on top of it all, then straightened._

"Well?" Naruto asked when he stood barefoot as well. "What kind of training?"

"Sparring," Sasuke murmured.  "Let's go."

"Do you mind if I take this off?" Naruto asked, motioning to the bandage he kept over his stained eye.  "It'll be in the way."

"Sure," Sasuke drawled.  "I want you to be able to do your best."

"Hah, so _funny tonight!" Naruto slid the bandage off and ran a hand through his hair. __You can do this.  Just sparring, despite those little looks he keeps giving you.  No matter if he's barefoot…and it's been five years since you really knew his style and two days since you kinda kicked him in the face…Just some sparring._

Naruto rolled his neck, eyes narrow on Sasuke's form, and slowly smiled.  He had to admit that he was looking forward to it.  

Sasuke dropped into a crouch, a smile on his face and a flush over his cheeks, oblivious to his appearance.  Naruto swung his arms out, and darted forward.  He tested Sasuke's reflexes with a careful swipe at his face; the Anbu ducked and blocked, his own fist speeding towards Naruto's vulnerable midsection.  Twisting, Naruto switched his direction and kicked at the chest.

_-grab the wrist-pull and turn-kick high-low-inhale-sidestep and back-_

_He's—Naruto rolled over a sweep—_either not as drunk as I think or he's **really** good._ He increased his speed and was relieved to notice Sasuke match his pace, blocking and ducking and attacking._

_-block-duck-kick out and hope to connect-spring up-right fist-low palm-_

Naruto found everything slipping away as he fell into the dance of adjusting and counter-attack and breathing.  

_-block-and duck-twist-spin-kick-punch—ouch, too close--grab and pull-throw-left fist-_

Naruto scored a grazing strike low on Sasuke's belly—the force of it sent him stumbling as Naruto caught his balance and his breath.  They eyed each other for a moment, and with a hidden cue, danced back into the practice.

Time passed into a good hours worth of fighting, aches and bruises from the occasional strike making themselves known.  It was a surprise to find that neither was stronger.  Sasuke had the edge in style and strength, and his sharingan—even though he wasn't using it—more than compensated for Naruto's speed and stamina.  

Thunder sounded by chance as Sasuke feinted and grazed his chin with a knee—Naruto found himself with his right hand wrapped around Sasuke's wrist, the other boy swaying gently into him—and all of a sudden his world snapped back into reality.  Rain trickled from the sky, the kind of spattering that preludes a downpour.

Sasuke was grinning in the dark, the rain glistening on his skin.

"Sasuke?" Naruto fought to catch his breath.  The other didn't seem hear him, lifting his face to the rain that was falling steadily faster.  _Forgot that he was drunk, Naruto thought slowly.  _He's so good, even drunk, that I'm barely able to outmatch him.  _"Hey, Sasuke—"_

Fingers tightened over his arm; Naruto didn't even realize the other had been holding him.  Sasuke dropped his face down.  The expression was something Naruto couldn't place, but before he could pull away—his mind was reeling from the closeness—Sasuke spoke.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke whispered with rain on his lips.  "I'm sorry I made you go away."

Naruto forgot to function; he could only stare. "Sasuke—what did you say?" _It's raining, his mind offered.  _I'm getting wet.  Sasuke said he's sorry. __

_Holy shit._

"Look," Naruto muttered.  "You don't—you don't have to say that.  Really."

"I said those stupid things and you went away," Sasuke repeated.  "The Hokage wouldn't let me go and look for you.  She thought I was…was being irrational, or something."

Naruto pulled away as carefully as possible.  "Come on, we're getting soaked.  We'll get sick," he said and pulled Sasuke to the somewhat drier areas under the trees.

_…he wanted to look for me, he thought between breaths.  _He wanted to find me_…_

"Sit down already," Naruto muttered, finding his own niche among the tree roots and leaned against the rough bark.  Sasuke obligingly sat beside him, elbows on his knees and watched the rain pour down.

_I didn't want to do this, he thought.  _Fuck.  _Naruto dug through a pocket and pulled out his crumpled pack of cigarettes.  He lit one with a slightly soggy match, and inhaled deeply.  _

"Look," he said when he had taken a second drag.  Sasuke turned his head slightly in his direction.  "It wasn't you.  I mean—you know how much of a pain it was to live with everyone's hatred and all that shit—I didn't leave because of you!" Naruto repeated forcefully, scowling at the ground.  "You…You were just the icing on the cake."

"Icing?" Sasuke said disbelievingly.  "What do you mean, icing?"

"I mean…" Naruto sighed.  "_Everything_ was bad, and I thought we were friends, and I thought…I thought you were being what everyone else was and I couldn't take that.  I didn't want that, so I left." He tried to keep his fingers from shaking, to keep his emotions calm.

"Ah…"

_He doesn't believe me.  Did he spend the last five years thinking it was his entire fault?  The oblique horror of it pricked at him; Naruto couldn't understand it. _So all of his problems, all of his attitude and shit is because of me—because of him—__

"Was it fun?" Sasuke asked wistfully.  "Going away, I mean.  Forgetting everything and just living…Was it fun?"

"Fuck yeah," Naruto breathed.  

"I've wanted to leave so many times.  To forget about Itachi and about my family and just leave.  I wanted to find a small place somewhere and be someone else…" Sasuke whispered.  "But I'm Anbu, and assigned to the Hokage." His voice went bitter at the edges.  "So I stayed, because Sakura needed me, and the village needed me."

Naruto rasped out a laugh and waved the cigarette in the general vicinity of the village. "I…I wanted to come back so many times," he confided.  "But I couldn't.  Too scared.  I'm not the same and everything else is different.  Does that make me a coward?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied dryly.  Then he smiled, and looked pointedly towards the cigarette in Naruto's mouth.  "Do I make you nervous?"

"Goddamn Jiraiya," Naruto muttered.  "I can't believe he said that."

Sasuke leaned back against the tree, shoulders brushing, and turned his head until his hair was caught in the bark, and he was watching Naruto in the gloom.  He didn't speak.

The blond endured about five seconds of the staring before he turned with a frown and asked, "What? What do you want?"

The look on Sasuke's face had gone somewhat pensive and a soft unfelt fear.  "I…" Sasuke hesitated.

"What?" Naruto groaned. "Stop _staring at me and tell me."_

Sasuke inhaled slowly, and replied in a voice as quiet as the rain. "I want to taste you."

For the second time Naruto forgot to breath, choked on the lungful of smoke and started coughing.  "_What?!" he sputtered.  "You want to what!?"_

_Oh, his mind breathed.  __Oh this is good.  This is very good. _

Naruto ran through a checklist of exactly why he shouldn't consider something as rash and impossible as Sasuke attracted to him, why it would be a bad thing—they were teammates, they were somewhat friends and rivals—he hadn't gotten laid in months—Sasuke was _drunk quickly replaced the first reason why he should get up and run back to the Hokage's tower—_

And Sasuke's eyes caught his and the expression was so _strange_ on his face, so—so unknown that Naruto found himself wishing he had drank a bottle of sake himself.

"Fuck," Naruto whispered to himself.  "You," he said.  "You want to taste me?"

Sasuke nodded, hair sliding across his face.  The blond could see a blush edging down his cheeks in the darkness, could sense the heat radiating from his body and smell the rain-water and spice on his skin.

"Do you know what you're asking?" Naruto said, uncertainly. "I mean—are you serious?"

Again, Sasuke nodded, a tiny smile flitting on his face.  "You're scared," he teased.

"Fuck, no," Naruto muttered, expecting to be kissed, expecting to be laughed at or something— "Go ahead.  Taste me."

Sasuke closed the short distance, the faint taste of sake on the breath he exhaled, and pressed his mouth to Naruto's neck.  His tongue was warmer than anything Naruto had ever felt when it moved against his skin and licked away the rainwater.

Naruto closed his eyes against the sudden rush of arousal, against a whimper, and tilted his head to the side.  Sasuke's hand made its way near his hip, braced on the ground, as the other found the opposite side.  

_Shit, Naruto had time to think. _Shit, not him—I can't—with Sasuke—oh god—__

Sasuke made some sort of sound when his lips reached the pulse just below his jaw, his tongue soothing a heated path.  He rested his cheek to Naruto's and paused to breathe in the musky scent of the blond, his hair plastered to their skin.

"Naruto," Sasuke mumbled, not knowing what he was going to say.

The other turned his face, his voice sad. "You don't—" Naruto began, heart thumping and his stomach shredded into tiny bouncing pieces.  He shivered at the sensation of the sliding droplets on his skin, at Sasuke's warmth and scent and nearness and tried to think.

Moving with a speed Naruto hadn't expected, Sasuke dipped his head forward and pressed his mouth to the lips in front of him, kissing him with as much experience he could muster.

Naruto heard himself give a peculiar sound and opened his mouth to _really kiss the dark-haired Anbu.  His hands slid up wrist and elbow and cupped the face as Sasuke accepted his tongue and met it with his own.  The skin of his face was feverish under the coolness of the rain, a strange duality that Naruto was beginning to accept as simply Sasuke._

But he could taste the sake on Sasuke's tongue, the suddenness of Sasuke's eagerness throwing him off.  Naruto pulled back with a wrench of his control, holding Sasuke's face—flushed and warm and parted mouth—in his palms.  "Sasuke—" he began.

"Don't—I want—" Sasuke whispered, pulling at Naruto's hands.  "Please."

Naruto pulled him forward and tucked his head into the crook of Sasuke's neck, his arms around Sasuke's torso to keep him still. "Fuck," he whispered. "I can't.  I really want to, but I can't—you're drunk and you're emotional and—I'm sorry I _can't_—"

"But—" Sasuke replied to Naruto's hair.  

He pushed him back to arms length and forced the dark-haired boy to look at him. "If you can ask me when you're sober, I'll think about it.  This…this isn't something you'd want from me," he warned desperately.  "I mean it, Sasuke!"

It hurt to say it and to watch Sasuke gather the shards of his mask and slip them into place.  

"Alright," Sasuke whispered after a moment.  "We should get back or Sakura's going to be angry."

_You're missing out, a voice filled in.  _You could have pushed him to the ground and screwed him six feet under. __

Naruto watched Sasuke pull away, moving too carefully to be normal, too stiffly, and told the voice to fuck off.

_…ask me when you're sober…_

They left the clearing in the rain, soaked to the skin and two feet apart at all times.  No one spoke, no one looked towards the other.  When Sakura opened the door for a drenched Naruto and Sasuke, she smiled in relief and let them inside before going to fetch a pair of towels.

Naruto watched Sasuke vanish down the hallway with what appeared to be practiced movements, accepted the towel Sakura offered, and asked "Do you mind if I sleep on your couch?" while something screamed _Run! Get out!  Go away!_

She hugged him impulsively. "No, of course not," she said and moved carefully to find him a blanket.  

Naruto sank onto the couch with a twisted sense of dismay and relief, and wondered for the umpteenth time what the hell he was doing.

~TBC~

a/n ~ Well—whatcha think so far?  Is it angsty enough? Is it slashy enough?  Next chapter should be amusing, no?  basically, sex talks and some more characters (mind you, it's only the second day Naruto's been back so he hasn't gotten the nerve to visit everyone yet)  I hope it wasn't too cliché, either…_  

I can't do Lee for shit, either…so if he comes off all weird, I'm sorry.  I just figure that he and Naruto weren't that close…^_~;;;


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